Going, Going, Not gone - what happened after the auction finished
You probably shouldn't be reading this, it'll only upset you. eBay - it's a slippery downhill slope you're stepping on. Be very careful, you'll tumble headlong into a world of buying and selling things in an online auction. I sold my car on there a few years ago you know. I've said it once, and I'll say it again, repeatedly. Hell hath no fury. Here's that very auction preserved for posterity
The first buyer backed out; no surprises there. I'd had a few strange questions from him via email: 'What's the BHP of the car?' That was the first worrying one. For a start you can find the answer in any car comic, but whatever 'BHP' the car is (300) it doesn't matter a fig, as it doesn't go at all . I won't bother telling you about the rest of the suspect questions, except maybe just one more: 'what colour is it?'
Either way, despite my promise that it would be fixed at my expense, the guy used the broken windscreen as an excuse to back out.
What's that? What do you mean 'what broken windscreen?' Ah, yes, errr...
Hammer Horror
There was slightly more car related breakage than I had initially known about. Madame filled me in as soon as she heard about the auction, which was - unfortunately - almost exactly the moment it ended. Fair play to the girl, had I told her about the impending sale straight up, she'd have let me know about the windscreen there and then. She would even have mentioned the scratch on the nearside into the bargain. The scratch runs the full length of the car. Twice. She used a key.
I had forgiven her - lock, stock, and one smoking hammer - within 24 hours, although this was partly facilitated by trickery on her part. I'll not go into detail, except to say that she's gorgeous, which has me at a disadvantage right away, and then there's that obvious excess of passionate energy, which - just between you and me - doesn't always result in so much damage to bodywork.
Despite seeing the pictures of the extra 'customisation', the next buyer (the 'second chance buyer' in eBay terms) was still keen, is still keen in fact. As well as the pictures of the above mentioned damage I've forwarded pictures of those rear lights to him as well. He's rightly still up for it. Let's face it, he's buying a car that's potentially worth £7 to £9,000 for circa £2k. Obviously a sensible bloke. There remains another fly in the ointment though.
Black Horseplay
When I bought the car five years ago I handed over a massive amount of cash, which I had handy due to an incident that can only be described as: 'accidentally driving my previous car into a lamppost in the middle of a completely empty supermarket car park in the middle of France, in broad daylight.' There are pictures.
The Audi A8 being, well, an Audi A8, was somewhat pricey and I had to finance about 40 percent of the purchase price. As this wasn't as much as I had put down in cash, I have falsely been laboring under the impression that I owned the car, or at least MOST of it. Not according to Black Horse. Apparently THEY own the car, which is genuinely surprising, as I recall NO MENTION of an 'HP' type agreement at point of sale.
I have spoken to several people at Black Horse over the past few days about this (0870 242 7878. Agreement no: 224750708), and as is so often the way with these things, received a different answer each time. I thought it was all sorted last Thursday, the pleasant lady I was speaking to promising to call me back first thing today (Monday, August 16th), but there was no call, and no possibility when I called them of actually being connected to Ms Tate, who apparently 'works in a different office'.
Clean girlfriend
That's you brought bang up to date. There's a keen buyer waiting, my girlfriend has come clean about ALL the damage, but Black Horse can't quite manage to get back to me to give me the go ahead to sell the car. They seem far more keen on the car rotting where it stands, until an undetermined time in the future when I can give them about £6,000. Then, and then only, will I be allowed to sell it.
I'm still hopeful though, as Ms Tate was very positive when I spoke to her on Thursday, convincing me that selling the car now would be no problem. Mind you, that's probably why she hasn't been allowed to call me back.
Arsebiscuits. What am I going to do? I'm RIGHT upshirtcreek, without a paddle, and in a barbed wire canoe.
One more thing: This website you're on now dates back two or three years. It's a long story. Start reading it here. Then just wander round, making yourself at home. It's designed with just that in mind.
Seven Days
Still waiting for that fax from Black Horse. It's taken them a full seven days not to produce it now. Ms Tate only works Mondays and Thursdays though, which is something I discovered today, and a handy thing to bear in mind should you ever find yourself in a similar situation, and be trying to get hold of her yourself. However, the buyer remains keen.
I had a positive sign before the weekend though, nothing to do with the car, just an overall positive sign. It was down to a fairly unlikely source too: the Inland Revenue. A nice lady from there rang me up on Friday - to apologise. I was most surprised.
Sofa So good
They'd sent me a nasty letter threatening to take all my possessions unless I gave them, coincidentally, £6,000. Immediately. I read the letter sitting on the fantastic sofa that I only have because I inherited it last month, which was a boon as before then I had nowhere to sit. It IS a great sofa, but there's the minor disadvantage that every time I stretch out on it I feel just a little guilty - the deceased having suffered a particularly long, drawn out illness during which time I never visited him once.
Surveying the flat I tried to work out what the bailiffs would actually take. The sofa? NO way, that's the landlord's ;-) Surely not my small collection of taxidermy (it's a long story) maybe those aircraft parts (no story at all, they‘re just bits of aircraft I have hung on to - not literally), perhaps this computer, and that one down there, but that‘s it.
See? Divorces do have SOME things going for them, getting one over on the bailiffs being quite close to the top of the list. ‘Wanna raise £6,000 out of MY flat do you bailiff boy? Ha! Chance/fine thing.’
The lady from the IR was genuinely concerned, almost in tears at one point I thought. She’d realised there’d been a mistake, and had already mailed a correct return to me. She said I wouldn’t be getting the letter until the Tuesday, and she didn’t want me to worry unduly over the weekend.
At first I thought it was a hoax, but with further probing she revealed her credentials. I was forced to reach for my handy government booklet: Preparing For Emergencies, and turned to the ‘What to do in the event of unsolicited conciliatory communications from the Inland Revenue or your Bank’ section. And fan my brow, there wasn’t one.
Come on Black Horse, just the last fence to jump, I know you can do it, send that damn fax.
Okay, so I'm Milking this story am I? Nonsense! I am just keeping you fully in the picture. Think you can handle the final installment? Here it is.
